Before We React, Let’s Pause

Hearing a child suddenly say a shocking or inappropriate word can catch us completely off guard.

As parents, caregivers or teachers, we might immediately think:

Where did they hear that? Why are they saying that?

And before we even realise it, we may respond with:

“Don’t say that!”, “That’s a bad word.”, “Where did you learn that?”

It’s a very natural reaction. But sometimes, it helps to pause for a moment and look at what might actually be happening.

When Words Become Interesting

For a child, a word is often just a word. They may have heard it from a parent, a teacher, an older child, a television programme, or a conversation, or simply somewhere around them. And if the word sounded interesting, unusual or different, they may repeat it. Not because they understand what it means. Not because they are trying to be rude. And certainly not because they understand the impact that word may have on someone else. They may simply be experimenting with language.

The Power of Our Reaction

But then something interesting happens.

The child says the word. A parent looks shocked. A teacher suddenly stops what they are doing. Another child starts laughing. Everyone looks at the child. And the child notices.

Oh… this word gets a reaction.

Children are constantly learning about cause and effect. They learn that when they do something, something happens next. They throw something and an adult reacts. They scream, and someone comes running. They say a certain word and everyone suddenly pays attention. And just like that, the word becomes interesting. Sometimes, our reaction gives the word its power. We may think we are correcting the behaviour, but a very strong reaction can actually make the behaviour more exciting for the child.

Shock, anger, laughter, embarrassment, or repeated warnings—even saying, “Don’t say that!” again and

again can unintentionally give the child exactly what they were looking for.

Attention!

This can happen at home as well as in a classroom. A child may discover that saying a particular word makes the teacher stop the activity, makes other children laugh, or brings a lot of adult attention towards them. This doesn’t mean we should ignore everything a child says. It simply means that instead of reacting to the word itself, it can be more helpful to understand what is happening underneath it.

Ask yourself:

Did they hear someone else say it? Are they testing a boundary? Are they looking for a reaction? Are they trying to communicate something? Do they even understand what the word means? Or do they simply like the sound of it?

There may be different reasons behind the behaviour. The child may be curious, imitating someone, expressing frustration, testing a boundary, or seeking a reaction. The context can help us understand what is happening.

Sometimes, that little pause helps us respond to the child rather than simply react to the word. Sometimes, less attention is more helpful.

Respond Calmly, Set Clear Boundaries

Imagine a child says a word you don’t want them to use. You don’t necessarily need to turn it into a big conversation.

At home, a parent might calmly say, “That’s not a word we use. Come, tell me what you wanted to say.” In a classroom, a teacher might say, “That’s not an appropriate word to use here. Tell me what you were trying to say.” And then move on calmly.

No big reaction. No long lecture. No repeated warnings. The boundary is still there. But we are not making the word more exciting than it already is. We are also showing the child another way to communicate. And when the word stops getting that big reaction, it may slowly lose its appeal.

Look beyond the word

This is probably the most important part. When a child repeats a shocking word , they are not necessarily being rude, disrespectful, or deliberately naughty. They may just be discovering how powerful words can be. They are learning that words can make people laugh. They can make people angry. They can make people stop and listen. They can even change the mood in a room.

That is a big discovery for a little child. Whether we are parents or teachers, our role isn’t only to tell children which words are “good” and which words are “bad”. We also need to help them understand why certain words may not be appropriate in certain situations. And, more importantly, we need to help them find better ways to express what they are feeling or trying to communicate.

What Happened Before the Word?

For teachers, this can also be an opportunity to think about what happened just before the child used the word. Was the child frustrated? Were they trying to get another child’s attention? Did something happen during play? Did someone else use the word? Was the child trying to make their friends laugh?

Looking at the context can tell us far more than the word alone. Because sometimes what looks like “bad behaviour” is simply a child experimenting. They are learning. They are watching us. They are figuring out how the world works. So, the next time a child repeats a shocking word, whether you are at home or in the classroom, try taking a breath before reacting. Stay calm. Notice what happened just before it. Consider what response the child may be seeking. Set the boundary if you need to. Then gently redirect and move on.

Understand the Child Before Correcting the Word

Sometimes, when we stop giving the word so much power, the child eventually stops giving it so much importance too. And perhaps that is the bigger lesson for us as adults. Before we correct the word, let’s first try to understand the child

Blog by,

Ms.Subhashini.N

English Enhancement Facilitator

The Indian Public School

Erode International